Sometimes in life, one can think that their life is headed in a direction of improvement and instead, life heads into a direction of chaos. That has been my life since October of 2012. I won’t bore you with all of the details, but basically, I injured my back simply by popping it and from there my life has been one of surgeries, aggravation, more surgeries, depression, panic attacks, having to learn to depend on my family for help with things that should be easy to do: cooking, laundry, cleaning. My parents and siblings have helped tremendously, but without my dear, sweet, wonderful husband, I would’ve been totally lost.
Matt has been my rock ever since we met. And when I married him and took his last name, I learned to endure all of the jokes that he has endured over the name ‘Redfearn’ through the years. I honestly cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard the line “You mean, like Where the Redfern Grows?” Ugh. Ha.Ha. Seriously, yep, we’ve heard it before…many, many times! However, his name is one that I wear proudly, hold dear to my heart and wouldn’t exchange for all the riches in the world. And this wonderful sweet man, who chose to teach high school students about History because he loves both history and helping teenagers succeed, has had to take on the role of both breadwinner and homekeeper. It broke my heart to see him suffer so. To watch him be so tired all the time. To have to help me up if I fell or take all of the sick days given to him yearly and use them to be beside me. It breaks my heart even now. Because we are still living it even though we can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Finally. Thankfully.
OK, back to where I’ve been. After being told that the constant pain I was in was going to be a permanant fixture in our life and that I needed to learn to ‘deal’ with it, I got another opinion. In NYC. I live in Dallas. When I went to NYC to see if the specialist that I had found could help me, I really thought I would be told the same – that my back was permanantly screwed up and I was just going to have to deal with it. That was NOT the answer I received. After having every test known to man in 2 1/2 days (shout out to Lenox Hill Radiology for getting me in with such short notice), I was given hope. But it involved another surgery, in NYC. The surgery was set for the following month and since Matt had already used all of his allotted sick and personal days for the year, my parents talked it over and my Mom chose to go with me and stay for the duration of my visit. Thankfully we have family there and they graciously allowed us to stay with them while I recuperated after 5 days in the hospital. It was a sweet trip with my mom – most of the time. 🙂 Mom and I are extremely similar, so we had a couple of ‘loud discussions’ (you know, the type of ‘loud discussions’ one would have when they were a teenager, not when the person was 40, but if you can imagine having 2 angry cats being thrown in a bag together, well, you can imagine our ‘loud discussions’). Seriously, we are SO ALIKE it’s scary, and it can be annoying to see yourself act a certain way. I think that this element of our relationship was the crux of our very few and far between ‘loud discussions’. All in all, there is not a moment I would change because my Mom is one of the kindest, most thoughtful, most generous people I’ve ever known. She is my role model and I love her dearly. 😍
Anyway, after 20 days in NYC, I was able to come home to the GREAT STATE OF TEXAS! Man, there is really no place like home!! Everyday I am getting stronger and I am almost ready to begin my physical therapy. I’ll be able to begin that the first week of June and I am going to do absolutely everything that my Therapist tells me to do and what NOT to do as well!! I am ready for this gigantic detour in my life to end. Beyond, beyond, beyond ready!
It’s amazing how stunted I have felt in the last few years creatively. And now that I feel better, and can see actual results in my back recovery, it seems that the block I have been unable to break is finally dissolving before my eyes! I’ve been reading and reviewing and absorbing so much lately. I’ve been writing and changing ideas for novels and researching like crazy. It’s exciting. It’s that euphoric feeling you get when you finish a series of novels that you had to yell at yourself to finish. It’s that exstatic feeling you get when you finally figure out what is wrong with your main character that makes the entire novel feel just…off. You know? It’s just joy – the simple joy of loving everything there is to do with writing and reading. I’m committing myself to keep this going – to ensure that I don’t get stuck in that same rut again if I have a small setback while I’m rehabbing. I’m also committing to getting back to blogging. I have MISSED y’all so much! So, I need your help keeping me honest.
Will you help me? Will you be there for me and with me? That would be awesome! I need it…and I am back, Baby!! Where did the Redfearn go? Into the rabbit’s hole, I believe. But, I am back, and I am promising you…I’m not going anywhere…😘